Right now I am sitting in a Starbucks in Coronado, California (San Diego area). I have been thinking a lot about why I am here this summer. Reasons have occurred to me before but finally I realize that this is the place that I am supposed to be. As much as I miss home and Oregon, this is the place that I need to be in right now. This is the place that God has me for this time and seriously I could not be happier. I have learned so much about myself and God since I have been here. I have learned that I am not always the most mature person when it comes to changes, but that is something that God is changing in me. I have learned that when I put God in front of my own desires and ambitions, God will give me the deepest desires of my heart in his time. I have learned that I have placed other people and things before God and this summer has been set apart for me to get away all those distractions and be with my God. As I am faithful in this time, God will bring to pass the things he has promised to me in his time. God has shown me the simple beauty in creation. God has proven to me that he alone is my judge and what that means when I interact and live in relationship with others. God has shown me his perfect love through flawed people in this world. God has given me a passion for his word. I am growing and striving to be in relationship that gets deeper and deeper everyday. As sad as I am that I am not at home, doing what I had planned for this summer, I could not be happier with this situation. God is teaching me so much and everyday I am falling deeper in love with my God. Miss you all and am praying for you all... Can't wait to see everyone in August!

Contentment and Faithfulness

During this past couple weeks God has been challenging me to be content with where I am at in life. It is such a hard place for me to be in because I have no job and only a temporary place to live. Things are up in the air with where I will be come next month and I often hang out around the house because I have nothing to do. It is not a place that I like to be in and God has really been challenging me to push through and be content with where I am. It has been nice because I have had a chance to wake up every morning and read the word and dive into journaling unlike I did when I was in school. I know this time is vital for building a strong foundation for the future in terms of my relationship with God and that has been one thing that has kept me from going insane.

I have struggled lately with comparing my life to other people’s lives around me. To me the life that other people lead and have are so much better than my own. They all seem brighter and better than me in so many ways and that is so hard. I wish I could sing better, I wish I looked better, I wish that my hair was different, I wish that my relationship with God was better. All these things I wish I could change when I compare them to what others have. Then suddenly I got a smack in the face (gently yet enough to shake me) from God while riding my bike today. The lyrics to “I Worship You” rang through my ears and I suddenly realized I was wrong. I had been trying to be someone else and I kept forgetting who God had created me to be. I realized that I would never be content with my life if I kept going like I was. Nothing was going to make me happy until I had someone else’s life and what they had. The lyrics to this song say: “You knew me long ago. You called me out by name. Made me with purpose, Lord, to worship you everyday.” It reminded me of Psalm 119 where it speaks of God knowing us while we were still being created. God has a plan for me and there is a reason why I am the way I am. It is so necessary to realize this I was not made to be someone else or to live someone else’s life but I was made to be me and to love who God has made me to be.

Along with God speaking this to me, he has also been speaking to be about being content wherever I am. I have heard about 4 different messages about being content and faithful in what God has given me now. These messages came from very different places and it has been amazing of how God has spoken this to me during this time. The hard part for me seems to be trusting God fully in this time. It is easy to fall back and use my second option for the summer way before it is time to go to it. I have been so tempted to throw the towel in here and give up and move to San Diego for the summer. But every time I start to think about it, I realize that I can’t do it just yet. I believe that God is my provider always and the way I show that is being faithful and trusting that God will open a door somewhere. It has been a hard two weeks so far but I realize that God is truly wanting me to push through all of this stuff and trust him in wherever he takes me. I must learn to be content where I am and be faithful in what he has me doing with my life right now. 

Contentment

The past couple of days I have been challenged to be content with where God has me right now. This is such a difficult thing for me because I like being busy. Right now I am staying in Newberg and living with some friends and job hunting. I have this month to find something and then after May if nothing has come up I will be moving to San Diego to live with my grandparents. However, I am realizing many things during these past two weeks. One of them is I hate having no plans. I struggle with no busyness or things planned out for me. I hate it! But also have realized that there is a reason that God has set apart this time for me to not be working or be doing anything. It is hard for me because I can make excuses often as to why I can’t do something such as have my time with God when I am busy and have things that need to get done. But now I have no excuse. I have all the time it is just a matter of me doing it and being faithful. I never realized what a struggle this was until now. It is hard because I don’t like struggle and I recently had a season in my life where things were truly great. I finally began to love school and where I am at but now it is difficult and hard. It is not that I want to quit or any of that, but it is more that I want to be content with where I am. I want to learn to be content in all season of life, especially this one. I want to trust God and be faithful in the small things. I want to not be looking ahead or be anxious for what is to come but I want to be faithful and push through now. I trust God probably about half of the time. But I want to trust God all the time. It is hard when you don’t see the end result or even know the next steps but something inside of me says “Keep pushing through”. I trust God and want to do whatever his will is. God help me be content with where I am and what I have. Faithful in small things, faithful in the big things.

I sit here on a Saturday afternoon and am I finding I am content yet eager with where I am in my life. I am a social work major and I LOVE IT! I sometimes find myself feeling ridiculous because I am so in love with this major and the work that I am doing and the things I am learning. I have never felt anything like this when it has come to honestly anything in my life. I have been excited and wanted to make myself love my classes and the things that I have done in the past but it only seemed to a false excitement. It took me getting into youth ministry to be exciting and passionate about working with middle school and high school students, and now I find myself so in love and excited to go to youth group on Wednesdays. As much as I love youth ministry, I never had to go through that process with social work. I knew that the moment I walked into that class my heart was in it and I knew that this was where God was taking me for the future. Interestingly enough last night at the Way, a college ministry of Solid Rock Fellowship Church, the message was about Jonah and his expectation of his life and how it was supposed to all play out but yet it never did. For me this has happened. I had this idea of what my life would be and I told myself and everyone else that my major would not change because I knew this was where God was calling me, into youth ministry. But everything changed and God took that piece of me and showed me that I do not fully understand his plan and that there may be something else God wants me to do besides or even alongside youth ministry. This is exciting and yet scary because it is not at all what I was anicipating! But isn't that how God is, stable yet a mystery. Always doing something that is beyond and above the way we often have planned out.
This week has been a crazy one. We had the retreat last weekend and then daylight savings time during the retreat which meant I WAS TIRED! I also turned 20 years old on Saturday and that was crazy! I am so old now, just kidding. I feel old though when I am around my youth girls who are only 12! I had a few days this week that were really slow and not much homework to get done so I kind of relaxed and tired to catch up on my Heroes watching! (SO INTENSE!). My Wednesday was filled with volunteering, class and then youth group! Then Thursday night I camped out on the Quad and signed up for Jr.'s Abroad trip and froze all night long! :D But it was so worth it! I am going to Rome and then to Berlin for my trip and could not be more excited! Next MAY!!! Then yesterday, Friday, my parents came over and we went to the Olive Garden for lunch and then headed to Target and bought a BeachCruizer bike!!! I rode it all over Target and then came back to Fox and went a bike ride with a couple friends! Today is a nice relaxing day with coffee date in the morning and a clean room and then the Women's Basketball game at 3:30! Overall a great week and filled with God's grace and loving face on every moment, good, bad and ugly!
Well Peace Out till next time!

Ch.. Ch... Changes!

God has been doing so much in my life recently. A lot of changes and new things have come my way and I feel like I am embracing each new thing with an open heart and attitude. I perviously had been a Christian Ministry major wanting to work with youth. I struggled with this major because I felt it was very limited and I could only work in certain areas with a degree with in this. I explored my options, looking at Psychology and finding that was not something I wanted to do and then somehow came up with Social Work. I wanted to help people but I knew that Psychology was not what I wanted to do. I wanted to have people come to me, or me to them, and allow them to tell me what their needs were and then I would be able to pull from my resources in order to help them. I know that this is possible with a degree in Social Work. The first day in my Intro to Social Work class told me that I knew this was the major for me. I have fallen in love with the major and love every aspect of it. I know it will be difficult at times, probably more times than I ancipate, but I think that I am going to love it. There are so many fields and ways to get involved. I love it!!! God has been moving me in this direction and I got into the program at my school and am getting ready to interview for a placement for next Spring semester. There are no words to explain how much I love this major and the things we are learning. I feel like this is one thing I was made to do. I still want to work with youth and I can do that in so many ways within this major.
Also I have experienced recently the love and passion of the youth around me. I have been working with a youth group in Newberg at the Foursquare church and sometimes that is a very difficult place to be. Often there is no respect and disobeying of rules and just a number of things. We have been averaging about 50 kids a week and it has been really good and often chaotic. While I love this kids there sometimes it is hard to go and be there with them for such a long time on Wednesday nights when I have school and projects and papers due. However, I kept going. I never doubted that I was supposed to be there but I have considered some nights not going for whatever reason. As we have been working and praying and pouring into these kids lives we are beginning to see the results and the amazing hand of God working in and through our kids. The last two weeks after youth group I have left feeling like God is really doing something! It has been so encouraging because so often I feel like we are doing nothing and making no impact. But now I see it. There are so many stories and instances where I can point of changes in our kids and it is really encouraging. Please pray for our kids though. Many of them come from broken homes and it makes it difficutlt to reach out to them sometimes and for them to reach out to us. God is doing something and I am so excited to be a part of it!