During this past couple weeks God has been challenging me to be content with where I am at in life. It is such a hard place for me to be in because I have no job and only a temporary place to live. Things are up in the air with where I will be come next month and I often hang out around the house because I have nothing to do. It is not a place that I like to be in and God has really been challenging me to push through and be content with where I am. It has been nice because I have had a chance to wake up every morning and read the word and dive into journaling unlike I did when I was in school. I know this time is vital for building a strong foundation for the future in terms of my relationship with God and that has been one thing that has kept me from going insane.
I have struggled lately with comparing my life to other people’s lives around me. To me the life that other people lead and have are so much better than my own. They all seem brighter and better than me in so many ways and that is so hard. I wish I could sing better, I wish I looked better, I wish that my hair was different, I wish that my relationship with God was better. All these things I wish I could change when I compare them to what others have. Then suddenly I got a smack in the face (gently yet enough to shake me) from God while riding my bike today. The lyrics to “I Worship You” rang through my ears and I suddenly realized I was wrong. I had been trying to be someone else and I kept forgetting who God had created me to be. I realized that I would never be content with my life if I kept going like I was. Nothing was going to make me happy until I had someone else’s life and what they had. The lyrics to this song say: “You knew me long ago. You called me out by name. Made me with purpose, Lord, to worship you everyday.” It reminded me of Psalm 119 where it speaks of God knowing us while we were still being created. God has a plan for me and there is a reason why I am the way I am. It is so necessary to realize this I was not made to be someone else or to live someone else’s life but I was made to be me and to love who God has made me to be.
Along with God speaking this to me, he has also been speaking to be about being content wherever I am. I have heard about 4 different messages about being content and faithful in what God has given me now. These messages came from very different places and it has been amazing of how God has spoken this to me during this time. The hard part for me seems to be trusting God fully in this time. It is easy to fall back and use my second option for the summer way before it is time to go to it. I have been so tempted to throw the towel in here and give up and move to San Diego for the summer. But every time I start to think about it, I realize that I can’t do it just yet. I believe that God is my provider always and the way I show that is being faithful and trusting that God will open a door somewhere. It has been a hard two weeks so far but I realize that God is truly wanting me to push through all of this stuff and trust him in wherever he takes me. I must learn to be content where I am and be faithful in what he has me doing with my life right now.
